


A Kiss Because

by CelestialMechanism



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, M/M, not relationship focused but it's low key, preTRK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 01:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5987869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialMechanism/pseuds/CelestialMechanism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that he was no longer suffocating, Gansey could hear the words that were being pumped from his chest to fill up the rest of his body. The season had nothing to do with Gansey’s cold; the heat was being leached from the inside out as his own traitorous heart pumped the message steadily into everything system. This year, this year, this year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Kiss Because

**Author's Note:**

> Yikes, I made myself sad.  
> Shoutout to incorruptusronanlynch for beta reading this.

Something in Gansey’s expression felt wrong as he looked at Adam sitting in the passenger seat in the Pig. His features felt a little too tight, or they were arranged in the wrong way, but whatever the case was there was a mechanical sense about how he worked his bottom lip lightly between his teeth. The Camaro was filled with sharp shadows that came from driving at night in the mountains, and with anxiety that no one but the driver seemed to be privy to.

In fact, Adam seemed entirely unaffected; he leaned against the door and looked out the window idly. There was no tension coiling his body, no crease between his eyebrows to indicate a troubling thought, and he looked about as serene as Gansey had ever seen him. 

When they went driving, there was no need to talk. It didn’t matter if it was in the middle of a fight or if Adam was escaping home on a bad night; the hum of the engine and the the strength of their friendship did all of the communicating for them. In the summer the windows would be rolled down so that the warm air could be let in, but now the late autumn made it too cold and all of their combined restless energy built up with no place to escape while they sped along the winding roads.

The engine sounded like rocks grinding together.

Gansey was going to explode.

The Camaro jolted and shuddered to side of the road, and the abrupt stop shook Adam from his reverie. Parrish’s cool blue eyes held an unbearable weight to them as they scanned Gansey’s profile. _Why have we stopped?_ they asked _. Are you alright?_ For a long few minutes they stayed like that: Adam quiet and curious, Gansey staring out the windshield. Heart thundering, posture tense, white-knuckled hands clutching the steering wheel, he had no clue what he was doing anymore.

“Gansey-“Adam’s careful question was lost as Gansey ripped himself from his seat and out into the cold. 

The sudden shock of leaving the cozy Camaro was sobering. Outside, the stars blazed high overhead and the wind focused the world. No one else drove this late at night - not on the roads leading up the mountain - and everything was sharp in the solitude. The Pig’s creaking was harsh; Gansey’s breath as he tried to find some kind of relaxed frame of mind sounded hollow; the cold made his lungs hurt. In the distance, Henrietta twinkled. Looking out over it made Gansey's heart ache. There was nothing like the homesickness of a boy who had never felt at home.

One moment he was alone and the next Adam was there. Or maybe Adam had always been there, observing the scene before him: the same stars, the same town, the same car all in an entirely different context. There was no danger here, only a deep sadness that had soaked it’s way into a Gansey that was less king and more reachable. A Gansey who did not hold himself regally and now only held himself together.

He couldn’t stand having someone look at him as if he were something breakable. In a soft voice, Adam asked, “Where are you tonight?” and gently laid a hand on Gansey’s shoulder.

“We’re running out of time,” Gansey replied after a moment

“Because of Piper, you mean.” There was something unreadable about Adam’s expression when Gansey turned to look at him. 

“Because of Piper.”

Now that he was no longer suffocating, Gansey could hear the words that were being pumped from his chest to fill up the rest of his body. The season had nothing to do with Gansey’s cold; the heat was being leached from the inside out as his own traitorous heart pumped the message steadily into everything system. _This year, this year, this year_.

Gansey didn’t think, there was no room inside himself for thought; he leaned over and kissed Adam. He kissed Adam because Adam was steady and solid. He kissed him because Adam managed to be the most real thing in the world in that moment. He kissed Adam because he couldn’t kiss Blue, and because Noah was almost gone, and because Ronan didn’t know that soon he wouldn’t have a best friend. 

Gansey kissed Adam because he knew that there may not be a chance to do it again.

It was barely a moment before a firm hand was pressed against Gansey’s chest, gently pushing him backwards. A frown had rolled over Adam’s face as quickly and potently as a summer storm, and he scanned Gansey meticulously for several impossible seconds.

“What about Blue?” he asked finally. Because of course Adam knew, could see the way Gansey would watch her across the kitchen at Fox Way. It had never really been much of a secret, not one that had been well kept.

“What about her?” 

“You would rather be kissing her, wouldn’t you?” 

“Jane has nothing to do with this.”

There was another long pause. Gansey’s eyes said _don’t push it_. Adam’s said _we shouldn’t have to do this now_. They both knew what it was. Neither of them said it, but suddenly the way Adam had been looking at him for the last few weeks made sense. It was somewhere between pity and stubborn determination. As if, despite fate, Adam could change how the next few months would go by sheer will power. 

Gansey looked away and braced himself for a fight. _How selfish of me_ , he thought, _to think that I could just die without any warning_. Surely Adam was going to throw it in his face, say he didn’t try hard enough and that accepting the looming expiration was stupid. And then Gansey’s last memory of Adam would be them fighting, because he would never be able to forget that the last seven year had been borrowed anyway and Parrish wouldn’t learn that the hardest thing to outrun is the inevitable.

He was not prepared for Adam to engulf him in a hug. It was startling. Usually it was Gansey who was prepared to use his body as a shield against the world, but here he was protected from the wind and his damp cheeks pressed gently into his friend’s shoulder. 

“We’re going to figure this out. We’ll find a way to save everyone.” To anyone else, the declaration would have sounded confident, though Gansey could hear Adam’s nervousness in the long Henrietta vowels. He didn’t mention it, choosing instead to take some reassurance from the statement.

Gansey shook himself from Adam’s hold and recomposed himself. Before getting back into the car, Gansey placed a gentle kiss on Adam’s lips. It was a small thank you. He wouldn’t let himself think about why it had taken so long to kiss Parrish. There wasn’t enough time to think about how there wasn’t enough time. There was enough time for them to get back into the Pig, Gansey behind the wheel and Adam leaning against the door and looking idly out the window as they made their way back towards town.

**Author's Note:**

> There is so little Adansey content, I'm going to work on making more since it's such a good ship. Feel free to talk to me about it in the comments or at ptsdgansey.tumblr.com


End file.
